fix: support free-threaded CPython with GIL disabled (#5148)

* Support free-threaded CPython (PEP 703)

Some additional locking is added in the free-threaded build when
`Py_GIL_DISABLED` is defined:

- Most accesses to internals are protected by a single mutex
- The registered_instances uses a striped lock to improve concurrency

Pybind11 modules can indicate support for running with the GIL disabled
by calling `set_gil_not_used()`.

* refactor: use PYBIND11_MODULE (#11)

Signed-off-by: Henry Schreiner <henryschreineriii@gmail.com>

* Address code review

* Suppress MSVC warning

* Changes from review

* style: pre-commit fixes

* `py::mod_gil_not_used()` suggestion.

* Update include/pybind11/pybind11.h

---------

Signed-off-by: Henry Schreiner <henryschreineriii@gmail.com>
Co-authored-by: Henry Schreiner <HenrySchreinerIII@gmail.com>
Co-authored-by: pre-commit-ci[bot] <66853113+pre-commit-ci[bot]@users.noreply.github.com>
Co-authored-by: Ralf W. Grosse-Kunstleve <rwgk@google.com>

tests/test_embed/external_module.cpp

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ namespace py = pybind11;
  * modules aren't preserved over a finalize/initialize.
  */
 
-PYBIND11_MODULE(external_module, m) {
+PYBIND11_MODULE(external_module, m, py::mod_gil_not_used()) {
     class A {
     public:
         explicit A(int value) : v{value} {};